When did you learn it wasn't safe to be yourself?
For Janine, it was the day her manager publicly called her out for a mistake that wasn't even hers.
Her big mistake? She corrected him.
Before that moment, she was the one they couldn't live without. Her ideas moved projects forward. Her direct communication style was praised as "exactly what we needed." They hired her because she walked into the interview and challenged them, pushed back, questioned their systems and, showed up confident.
Then everything changed.
After that one public call-out, her manager started treating her like she "just didn't understand." Her legitimate concerns were dismissed in group settings. Her ideas were taken and presented as directives to everyone else. When she asked questions, she was told: "Let's not raise concerns about things we don't understand."
The gaslighting was subtle. But devastating.
“One day you're essential. Next, you're made to feel incompetent, in front of your peers.”
Here's the pattern Janine noticed:
Women get hired for performing confidence, for "channeling their masculine energy," as she calls it. We sit in interviews, puff out our chests, speak with the authority we've been taught equals competence.
But then we're punished when that same performance is perceived as a challenge. When we become mothers. When we have boundaries. When we call out what's wrong. When we stand up for ourselves, call out an inequity or merely establish a normal boundary.
The same traits that got us hired become the ones getting us pushed out.
And the isolation makes everything worse.
Dr. Gabor Maté spent 50 years studying this: "The greatest damage is not the event itself, but the inability to share it and be believed."
- When you can't tell your story, when you're made to feel like you're the problem, like you're crazy, like you're alone in this experience—your body keeps the score.
- Women with strong community support show 40% lower chronic illness rates, even when carrying the same load
Isolation increases mortality risk by 26% (comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes daily)
Isolation isn't protection. It's the wound pretending to be the cure.
This is why community isn't a nice-to-have. It's medicine.
When Janine finally processed what was happening, she didn't do it alone. She had friends who believed her. Women who said, "You're not crazy. This is real."
When asked: "When did you learn it wasn't safe to be yourself?"
She didn't have an answer then. But she knows now: Childhood. The workplace. Every space that told her to be less, perform more, stay quiet.
Now? Janine can spot this type of behavior from a mile away. Instead of getting triggered, she's able to pause and disarm the reaction enough to understand that the person is behaving this way because they're mirroring a core wound or self-limiting belief onto her. And when she needs extra support, she turns to her peers.
What would happen if you finally had a space where it WAS safe?
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Where you could stop performing. Stop pretending you're fine. Stop carrying it alone.
That's what community is for. And you don't have to do this by yourself anymore.
That's why we created HerSpace.
Not another networking group. Not a place to perform the polished version of yourself.
A space where you can show up messy, exhausted, questioning everything—and be witnessed, not fixed.
Inside the community you'll unlock:
→ Live calls on everything from sound baths to resume writing
→ Group chat support when you can't sleep at 3am and need someone who gets it
→ Free courses on nervous system regulation and overcoming blocks
→ Space to tell your story—which is healing in and of itself
→ Connection with women doing the work, not just talking about it
Speaking of resume writing...
If you've been pushed out, gaslit, or made to feel like you're "not committed" simply for being human—it's time to rewrite that story.
We're hosting a Mini Resume Course with Haley McNeel on November 13th.
Haley gets it. She helps women translate their worth into words that actually land—without downplaying your life, without hiding who you are.
You'll learn:
→ How to frame career gaps as strategic pivots
→ The language that makes hiring managers lean in
→ How to position your "whole self" as your competitive advantage
Join HerSpace today as a founding member before prices increase in 2026.
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