Welcome Storytellers:
This week's story comes from a three-decade career journey that reveals a powerful truth: sometimes we need to survive first before we can advocate for change. Her journey illustrates how our tolerance for workplace inequities often shifts as we gain experience, and financial security.
*To protect this woman's privacy, we have omitted names and company references.
From "One of the Guys" to Setting Boundaries: A 35-Year Tech Journey
Her career began in the late 1980s as a fresh computer science graduate, landing her first programming role at a Fortune 500 tech company. "Looking back, my entire development team was men, but it never registered as unusual," she reflects. "The company culture was genuinely inclusive, people from every background thrived there."
Those early years shaped her approach to workplace navigation. As her career evolved into global sales, she found herself in challenging situations: presenting to rooms full of male executives while working abroad, adapting to cultural norms that required her to bring male colleagues to business dinners, and missing out on networking opportunities that took place in spaces where women weren’t welcome, such as strip clubs.
"I learned to be 'one of the guys,'" she explains. "I had a big brother growing up, so I was comfortable in that dynamic. You just adapted to survive."
The Shift: When Tolerance Becomes Intolerance
Decades into her career, something fundamental changed. After years of accepting workplace inequities as "just the way things are," she began questioning behaviors she'd previously overlooked.
"When you're younger, building your career, supporting a family—you need that job, that salary, those benefits," she says. "You become really good at sliding things under the rug. But at some point, you realize you have options."
This shift became pronounced when she transitioned to a consulting firm as a senior executive. Despite her extensive experience, she encountered a frustrating pattern: "I'd join at the same level as male counterparts with identical credentials, but they seemed to command immediate respect while I had to prove myself repeatedly."
The situation became even more complex when she realized she might have been hired as what she calls a "double whammy”-a Hispanic woman who could fulfill diversity metrics without real organizational commitment to her success. "You fall into this trap of getting hired because you check boxes, but they don't really intend to set you up for success," she explains. "And that's hard to read because how do you know that's what's going on?" The experience was eye-opening: "This is the 2020-something," she thought with disbelief that such dynamics were still prevalent.
A Strategic Approach to Change
Rather than accepting this treatment, she developed a methodical framework for addressing workplace issues:
Build Your Case: "Always document specific examples. Don't make vague complaints—have concrete instances ready. Otherwise, they can dismiss you with 'What are you even talking about?'"
Go Direct First: "I believe in addressing the person directly before escalating. Send an email, have a conversation. Give them the opportunity to correct their behavior before involving management."
Stay Composed: "Trust me, I wanted to unleash all my frustration, but I forced myself to step back and ask: 'What's the most effective way to handle this?' You can be firm without being labeled as 'difficult.'"
Know Your Limits: "If you realize you were hired as a diversity checkbox without real support for your success—leave. You can't single-handedly transform a toxic culture."
The Ingredients for Real Culture Change
Having worked in both inclusive and problematic environments, she's identified what separates them:
"Meaningful change requires leadership commitment and male allies working alongside women. When it's only women advocating for themselves, it gets dismissed as complaining. But when male executives champion these changes, it becomes policy."
She contrasts this with her early career experience: "At that first company, inclusion wasn't performative, it was authentic. A colleague was openly gay, living with his partner, and it was a complete non-issue. That acceptance came from the top down."
Practical Wisdom for the Next Generation
Her advice for women facing similar challenges:
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Acknowledge the survival phase: "Early career survival mode is real. Do what you need to do to establish yourself."
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Evolve your standards: "As you gain experience and financial stability, raise your expectations accordingly."
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Choose strategic battles: "Not every slight deserves a confrontation, but major boundary violations absolutely do."
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Have exit strategies: "Know when a situation is unfixable and be prepared to walk away."
The Mentorship Imperative
Now in a position to guide others, she's thoughtful about the advice she gives: "I tell young women to be strategic. You don't want to be the person everyone walks on eggshells around, but you absolutely cannot let important things slide. The key is developing the judgment to know which fights matter—and the skills to fight them effectively."
The Bigger Picture
Her story illuminates a critical tension in professional development: How do we balance individual survival with collective progress? How do we protect ourselves while also paving the way for others?
"Speaking up is both a privilege and a responsibility," she concludes. "When we reach a point where we have nothing to lose, we owe it to the next generation to model what professional boundary-setting looks like: respectful, documented, and absolutely unapologetic."
The Questions We're Left With
Her story challenges us to consider: Are we asking too much of individual women to change systemic problems? How do we support early-career professionals so they don't have to choose between authenticity and advancement? And perhaps most importantly, how do we accelerate the timeline so fewer women have to wait decades before they feel empowered to speak their truth?
If this resonates with you, you're not alone.
This is exactly why we need spaces where women can share these experiences without judgment. Your story matters, and there are thousands of women who need to hear it.
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Finding a Mentor: How to approach
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When approaching a candidate, frame the ask clearly: Instead of a vague “Will you be my mentor?”, share what you are looking for —such as guidance on navigating leadership roles, building influence, or balancing career transitions.
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Show commitment: Demonstrate that you have already taken some steps on your own and would like to start a cadence with the mentor to support your efforts
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Propose a structure: Suggest a manageable format like a 30-minute call once a month, set by you with an agenda created by you.
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Highlight mutual benefit: Mentorship is often two-way. Women can offer fresh perspectives, industry insights, or support on initiatives, making the relationship feel balanced.
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đź“š Learn Her Story
If you have not discovered the “To Be Magnetic” podcast on Spotify, I suggest you give it a view. Especially interesting is the recent interview (Episode 371) with Elise Loehnen, author of “On Our Best Behavior” explores how envy and expansion are connected, why we are never alone when struggling with cultural programming and how to release the stories that hold us back. Enjoy!
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